The Daily Stoic: Weekly Reflection №. 3

“Pass through this brief patch of time in harmony with nature, and come to your final resting place gracefully, just as ripened olive might drop, praising the earth that nourished it and grateful to the tree that gave it growth.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

There were so many moments in my life that I wish I had not lived so as not to witness the dark place I was experiencing. When I thought, that stranger back then should not have saved me when that sports car almost hit me. When I had that stupid fever, I should not have swallowed the medicine because I swear to god I thought I was about to die. Thankfully, I was able to pull myself out of that situation. Although it is not always love and light, I am still grateful to be alive.

Looking back at everything that has happened, I only have one word for myself. Fighter; I was, and I continue to fight up to this day. It has not been easy, yet here I am, still standing on my ground. I used to hate my life and whoever is the higher power you believe in. Back then, I thought that maybe, I was born to suffer every single day. Dramatic, I know. But aren’t we all suffering?

If I list down everything that I have learned in life, I would probably say that they are the fruits of my heartaches. One I could think of sharing on this platform is:

SELF LOVE.

The last guy I dated helped me realize how far I have come in loving myself. As you all know, self-love is a rigorous process and a never-ending journey. Well, I saw a lot of red flags with this guy; And for a while, I have ignored them. In the end, though, I walked away because I knew that I did not deserve whatever foolish thing he was trying to do. Of course, a few days after that, I was sulking and thinking: Oh god, I’m surely going to end up single all my life. But, self-love, hun. Looking back, I cannot help but admire myself because it was so brave of me to do that. I dismissed the fear of singlehood because I could not see myself committing to someone who was about to cheat anyway.

Well, I hope you see where I am going here.

Most of the time, when I am in a dark place, that is when my breakthroughs happen. That is when I learn — about myself, my surroundings, and love in general. Of course, there were many things that I went through before this finally synced-in. I also spent years accepting and working on myself before I recognized the beauty of my wounds and scars.

Now that I am here — still learning as the day goes by — as much as possible, I try to be hopeful but still see things the way they really are.

You see, positivity is not for me; Rather, I am hopeful. Because I know that in one way or another, there are some things that we can do to turn the situation around or at least change its route.

Ultimately, what I try to think when I am going through something is this; I should hold on because one day it will all make sense. I am also lucky enough to have a support system that is always generous of their time to talk and calm me down.

P.S. I have a fever while I was writing this one; I hope that somehow, it makes sense.