Too many things are happening all at once. The stressors and the triggers are all over the place, waiting for the right time to come to you and let you lose yourself.
Politics. Inflation. Identity crisis. Anxiety. Insecurities.
When a dear friend told me: “Shai, sometimes, I can’t help but think that this life is not worth living.”, I initially wanted to detest it, but eventually, I admitted to myself that sometimes I could not help but feel the same way.
When will the false hopes stop? All changes are heading toward the worst. Almost — if not everything — is vague.
Is the temporary happiness that this life gives worth the misery?
Is this job worth the exhaustion of the mind?
Will my hard work today eventually pay off — I don’t have generational wealth, after all.
Identifiers that make me question my existence; are they for real?
Should I worry about it today? Or do I wait a little more to recognize the pain?
Am I not good enough?
Lately, I have been running circles, avoiding answering these questions because I know that once I cave in, several people surrounding me will be affected.
Do I want to do that? Of course not. Perhaps, we shall suffer alone a little more. Carry on. Hush the thoughts.
In this case, I guess ignorance is the temporary answer. As I grow older, I think I am starting to believe that sometimes, ignorance is bliss.
