2022, you were one for the books and will definitely never be forgotten
The previous year has fucked me up mentally and emotionally, but thank goodness I did not lose myself completely.
When 2022 started, I knew in my heart that I was off to a rollercoaster ride. It is the year that I am turning 27, which people say is pretty much an extension of the quarter-life crisis we experienced when we were about to turn 25. Oh boy, your girl rode the rollercoaster thinking she is more than prepared for the course as well as its aftermath.
Months after, when the ride was nearing its end, I realized— no one has the ability to foresee what will happen in this mortal coil. Albeit sometimes cliche, it has a way of proving that it is and will always be whimsical. Perhaps, I never really learned from the past years I have overcome.
In a nutshell, life is unforeseeable, and to brace yourself for its unpredictability is the bare minimum. Regardless of what efforts you did to prepare yourself for its impact, if you do not have hope and love in your heart, you will drown; especially when no one is looking out for you… which is a sad thing, by the way.
If I were to summarize 2022, it is a year of uncomfortable growth.
Every little thing that happened this year has defined who I am; It helped me see the depth of how I look at myself — my principles, beliefs, core values, and the ability to love. I have also realized what really matters — growth, peace of mind, and above all, freedom.
It was a year of preeminent, hard choices.
On one hand, I have lost numerous things that made me sheltered yet uneasy all my life, and on the other, I gained a lot that helped me discover what I really wanted and needed to be able to grow as an individual. The silver lining, yes? I have felt several emotions all at once that were overwhelming to the point that I questioned what I really deserved. To me, that is definitely a good thing albeit tormenting.
2022 allowed me to do constant self-reflection because it helped me keep sane during the moments when I wanted to stop breathing. Even though I have finally allowed myself to receive love and help from the people surrounding me, I am still learning not to push them away, especially when I am vulnerable and going through something.
I am also starting to talk to myself in a loving way — that at least I owe myself.
Paramore’s song entitled 26 says:
Reality will break your heart
Survival will not be the hardest part
It’s keeping all your hopes alive
When all the rest of you has died
So let it break your heart
Hold on to hope if you got it
Don’t let it go for nobody
They say that dreaming is free
But I wouldn’t care what it cost me
Until now, this song is what I listen to when things are going south. I definitely agree— the strenuous part was keeping my hopes alive. I almost lost the small amount of hope in my heart before 2022 ended, but thankfully, I got my fur baby and beau beside me. They never stopped kissing and hugging me until I calmed down and tears stopped flowing down my face.
2023
I bet 2023 will not be very kind to me either. This year though, I have a different perspective; I am never ready for the bumpy roads ahead; But I sure am going to fight the loneliness, anxiety, anger, mental/emotional fuck ups, and growing pains that come with it. There will probably be a lot of bawling-my-eyes-out moments this year as well. That is why I promise to exert more effort in finding hope in my surroundings.
I am also allowing myself to let go of what was and look more toward the future ahead of me. It may be full of obstacles, yet another rollercoaster, and so I shall preserve the energy and only give it to where it needs to be.
2023, I will ride your waves and show you that my bruises and scars will never define me anymore. Instead, they will be the main reason to keep going for them to heal. I also promise that you are going to see the extent of my stubbornness. *wink*
May the lessons, self-reflection, and people you will bring into my life unfold the way to find the missing piece of my life.
From my space to yours, I wish you and your loved ones a happy new year! Thank you for staying with me through whatever.
Stay gold, folks. ⁺✧.
